Yeah, so it's been a rough week, and I've had enough of this positivity, motivation, perspective, attitude crap that I've been forcing myself to swallow. Who am I kidding? It's not freakin' fun to buy shampoo and wonder "how much will it cost?, how fast can I pull out the euros?" It's freakin' annoying is what it is! It's like my brain is moving through molasses and it can't get to the other side fast enough. I can't do anything quick enough or smart enough. It takes me forever to spit out a sentence and by then it's all wrong and sounds like it's been composed by a third grader. I've been cranky, annoyed, irritable. Not fun. Poor mom.
I had orientation yesterday and I'm definitely the squarest person there (oh, and the oldest). One classmate asked me point blank how old I was...I coyly deflected the question. I don't need the entire class of students (there are about 20 of them, I'd say most are around 20 yrs. old and the typical alternative, art student type -- think punked out hair, piercings, hooded sweatshirts, ripped jeans -- do you think I'll fit in?) knowing that I'm freakin' 30! Geez.
Anyway, it'll get better. This is why I'm here. To learn things. To improve my German. To study graphic design. To spend time with family. Yep, I know these things. And I'll jump back on the positivity, motivation, perspective, and attitude bandwagon soon. Just please not today. I just need a day to be honest with how I feel, to accept that it's not all fun and games, and to acknowledge that there's a learning curve.
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